Running with the Curimbata   (A short story, part 2).

Communication.

You’d be surprised how in remote areas of a foreign country some people can be so culturally insensitive. By this, I mean so many can’t speak English. Being culturally sensitive myself, I try not to take offense when we can’t communicate because they didn’t bother to learn English.

Over time, I figured out the people in this outlying area of Brazil were speaking Portuguese, not Brazilian. I looked it up after realizing I needed another way to communicate: my pantomimes were not proving effective—I was walking away with fishing poles, bait, plugs, hats, when really I only wanted directions. And they didn’t seem to be able to count very well either. I deduced from the fact the shopkeepers seemed to be helping themselves to an awful lot of the Brazilian currency I was carrying.

My solution was to get a Portuguese phrase book and dictionary. Which didn’t prove entirely satisfactory. Quite frankly, there’s little to compare with the astonished look on the face of a Brazilian bait store owner when you take out your Portuguese phrase book and use your inborn language skills to request two-dozen minnows. Except perhaps watching his clerk backing away from you when you ask if the fish are biting on crabs or worms.

Luckily, being a trained observer of people, I find such curious responses readily explainable: Foreign salespeople just don’t know their own language all that well. I give very little credence to an alternative explanation provided by my Brazilian guide, Cesar.

“Rich, I heard some bait store owner is claiming you confessed to being a felon, wanted for murdering 24 snails?! Did you say that?!”

“Uhh…maybe. I might’ve gotten some words mixed up.”

“And did you really tell his clerk that you picked up some disease from his worms?”

“Uhh…maybe.” (I’ve always been quick with the witty repartee.)

Actually, it would not be all that important to speak the foreign dialect if our own government was working properly. One would think a good resource for fishermen oversees would be our foreign diplomats, who are not only trained in languages, but also conflict resolution. Yet, just try getting their help on a particularly dicey foreign relations problem. The bureaucrat in the American embassy who took my urgent telephone call certainly seemed ill-trained to handle potentially explosive international incidents.

“What?!” he exclaimed kindly. “Are you nuts? What do I care if some shopkeepers are refusing to sell you bait!”

His fellow diplomats weren’t much better: “What do you think next, that the United States government should find you a good fishing spot?!”

Well, quite frankly yes, but I could see that I was going nowhere fast with the American embassy.

Local law enforcement officers have proved even less helpful to foreign fishermen. Ask them to assist and next thing you know you end up with some doctor poking away at you to see if you have any communicative diseases—specifically ones involving fishworms as carriers.

If you find yourself fishing in a country with culturally insensitive salesmen, poorly trained diplomats, and ineffective law enforcement officials, it’s important to prepare a few, well-chosen expressions. In Brazil, I gained the greatest use out of four.

(1) “Ola.” This simply means hello and is a friendly way to start a conversation. It main side effect is that, if you pull off the accent, you will shortly be engaged in a conversation in which you’ll not understand a word.

(2)”Eu nao falo Portuguese.” This means “I don’t speak Portuguese”—which is helpful when someone rambles on and on and on in Portuguese, as if you understand what in the world he’s talking about.

(3) “Os peixes estan picando?” This means “Are the fish biting”—see expression 1 above.

And, finally, (4) “aeeyyeeyyoowww!” Translated as “aeeyyeeyyoowww”!, this is a multi-purpose word with floating accents and several linguistic variations. I’ve found it to work in several languages and is helpful for communicating on special occasions, such as when you first ascertain that, yes, indeed, piranhas do have very sharp teeth; or, yes, it is certainly very hard to get a treble hook out of the back of your arm.